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Understanding Your Queerness

Some people, both straight and queer alike, argue that sexual orientation is nothing more than the person you share your bed with, and that it should have no other effect on your life. Certainly, I can understand why a straight person would have such an opinion. Straight people are rarely aware of the role that their sexual orientation plays in everyday life, hence, heterosexism. But the queer person who takes the same position is, in my opinion, most likely fooling him or herself. To deny the incredible effect of your sexual orientation, especially as a queer person, on a multitude of facets of your life is nearly as bad as denying to yourself that you’re queer in the first place. I recognize that my sexual orientation affects other areas of my life in profound ways. In fact, I’m sure it affects me in ways of which I’m not even aware.

I grew up in a conservative home. Until my father passed away, my family had the traditional breadwinner-homemaker combination. Each member of my immediate family was and, as far as I know, still is a registered Republican. As I grew up in that house, I just assumed that I too would choose Republican when it came time to register. I was supposed to like Reagan and Bush.

I was in eighth grade and only beginning to uncover my attraction to the same sex when Clinton was elected, and though I hardly paid any attention to politics, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to like him. Had I not turned out to be gay, I could very well be a Republican today. But dealing with my homosexuality and subsequently living as an out gay male has completely changed my perspective. I suddenly see a side of politics I never would have otherwise seen. I have become a member of an oppressed population -- something that I never would have experienced as a straight white male, and to which I probably never would have been able to relate.

Furthermore, by involving myself heavily in the LGBA/QSA and the LGBT Center, I have grown even further. When I got to PENN, I had never even heard the term transgender, much less knew what it meant. When there was debate toward the end of my freshman year over whether or not to add transgender to the name of what was then the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Alliance, I argued that sexual orientation and gender identity are two very different things. While I still believe that to some extent, I recognize the connection between the two and the need to include transgender issues alongside sexual orientation.

Had someone talked to me about fluid sexuality and stated that some non-heterosexual people don’t feel comfortable limiting themselves to a particular label like "gay," "lesbian," or "bisexual," I would have looked at the person strangely and walked away. Now, however, I understand so much more, and I see the need to use the word "queer" because it encompasses everyone: those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and all those otherwise non-heterosexual. While I continue to identify as gay, I recognize that I am a member of a larger queer community, not a gay one. Today, I would never say "gay community." Heck, I don’t even like saying "LGBT community."

My group of friends would be almost entirely different if I were straight. I choose to surround myself with primarily queer people because they make me feel comfortable. They understand all the nuances of same-sex dating. As a result I’m almost constantly immersed in queer culture. The queer community in many ways truly has its own culture. You needn’t look any further than the last couple B-GLAD supplements to see that we have our own little vocabulary -- one that isn’t always easy to explain. My straight friends from high school had no idea what a twink was. My mom once asked me in the car what it means when the characters of "Will & Grace" say, "Who’s your daddy?"

My sexual orientation will probably affect my career for the rest of my life because I am determined to be as open with my life as a straight person can be with his or her own. I am out on my resume not because I want my potential employer to know that I am gay, but because much of the work I have done is closely related to the queer community. I am sure that my mom’s number one concern with the frankness of my resume is that a potential employer will see it and decide not to hire me simply because I am (presumably) gay. Well, why would I want to work there in the first place? Sure, I could hide my sexual orientation and then try to make a difference within the company, but does a straight person have to do that? Of course not. Then why should I?

I don’t list the LGBT Center and the QSA on my resume as a way of saying, "Hi, I’m Kurt, I’m gay!" I list those things because I am proud of the work I have done. I’m proud of the web sites I have built for the LGBT Center and the QSA. I’m proud of the dances, cabarets, and panel discussions I’ve organized. I’m proud of the two B-GLADs that I co-chaired. I have developed many skills as a result of my work on these various things, and there’s no good reason why I should hide any of them.

When I was younger, I was a terribly shy little boy. Painfully shy. Dreadfully shy. It was bad. Very, very bad. And it was further complicated by the fact that I was (and sometimes still am) a huge momma’s boy. However, it was over the course of high school when I really started coming out of my shell, and I continue to do so even today. I became very serious about singing. I began taking private lessons and then performing solo quite a bit. Standing in front of large groups of people and sharing something as intimate as your voice with them can really cause you to open up. Then I started coming out just before my senior year of high school, and that put me well on my way to discovering the real Kurt that had been buried deep down inside from years of intense shyness and self-consciousness.

The single greatest thing that has resulted from my coming out is how it helped me discover who I really am. The comfort level I have achieved as a result of being out has allowed things like my personality and tastes to develop and flourish in ways I never would have imagined. I’ve finally reached a point where I’m actually happy with the person I have become. When I think about where I might be today -- the kind of person I might be -- if I never had to deal with being gay and coming out, it actually scares me. I could still be that painfully shy boy, probably not getting nearly as much out of life as I am now.

If you believe that your sexual orientation stops at the bedroom, I think you’re doing yourself a great injustice. You’re stunting your own growth as a person. You’re preventing yourself from getting the most out of life and discovering things about yourself you never dreamed. And you’re denying yourself the right to live your life as a normal human being, something that many people in this world take for granted.

~Kurt Klinger grew up in Warminster, PA, is a senior Computer Science major, and is in search of a Phila area GM, 18-25 for possible LTR.

Post Odyssey

Two days before B-GLAD 2001: A Queer Odyssey (Bisexual Gay Lesbian Transgender Awareness Days) officially began, and the day the supplement came out, I took a break from the frantic effort of sending out emails (there were many!) and coordinating volunteers to call a friend. He asked me if I was excited. Sure I was! Excited, not so much because it was finally here, but because for once, people all over campus were poring over the supplement thinking about queer issues and trying to understand the queer experience. This was the purpose of B-GLAD - to allow people to think about our community, and in this sense, B-GLAD was a fabulous success. We had Divas, we had the Oscars, we had a gay politician, we had a lesbian comedienne, we had academic lectures, and we had a religious service. There was something for everyone to learn from and enjoy.

Celebration. We started B-GLAD with an energetic and well-attended kick-off dance. This was the main queer dance for the year at PENN. Just some of the responses were: "We should do this more often," "When’s the next dance?," and "gay music is so cool". Well, anyway, it was a terrific social mixer, which was also attended by non-queer people from the student community. This was the case with the Rainbow Grad Mixer too, which was the following night. It was the first major queer event this year that catered to the graduate community as a whole. Students appreciated being able to mix with other graduate students from PENN different departments. Also, "Latina Fabulousa" Marga Gomez had audience members laughing hysterically during her performance, which was attended by members of both the PENN and greater Philadelphia community. The Cabaret at the end of the week also provided a fun event for queer students and our allies to show their marvelous talents in an intimate and memorable setting.

Education and Dialogue. The "Balls" lecture became famous months before B-GLAD! (The lecture was actually entitled "Having a Ball with Popular Culture" and was presented by Prof. Jacqueline Sadashige). In a series of events entitled "20 Minutes On..." that was held over lunch, we provided opportunities for faculty and staff to share their research and interests with the community. In addition, ALLIES sponsored a family and friends panel, in which people talked about their "coming out" experiences as far as having someone close to them being queer. A diverse group of religious representatives and religious allies joined us in an interfaith dialogue and service. Fostering dialogue was high on the agenda for the B-GLAD Planning Committee, and these are just few of the events that helped us achieve this objective.

Speakers and Activists. The featured speaker at the B-GLAD 2001 Rally was Representative Barney Frank (D-MA). He spoke about the importance of being politically active at every level as a means of promoting and supporting queer rights and issues. Other speakers at the rally included Provost Robert Barchi, who highlighted the PENN’s efforts on behalf of the queer community through diversity efforts, and several students and staff members. The keynote speaker for B-GLAD was transgender activist Leslie Feinberg. Hir presence in itself was inspiring, and the speech allowed us to think in new ways about activism both for the queer community and oppressed communities throughout the world.

Collectively, this year’s B-GLAD had a wider array events and speakers than in the past. We have come a long way in our odyssey of promoting awareness -- it was only a few years ago that we had only a smaller scale B-GLAD. Most noticeably, the University community has shown its support through the variety of co-sponsorships and unified programming efforts, which included many student groups and university organizations.

There is, however, a moment from the week I cannot forget. When I was giving out "Straight but not Narrow" pins on Locust Walk, a girl declined and said "I don’t want to wear that pin, let them think I’m a lesbian. I don’t mind." And she took a rainbow shield pin instead. The process of instigating change in attitudes and social beliefs is a long and sometimes problematic one, but I cannot help but feel we helped fuel this change on campus during B-GLAD 2001.

~Karim Javeri grew up in New Delhi, India, is a sophomore Comparative Literature major, and was a B-GLAD 2001 co-chair.

The Green One

I have a confession to make... I have been trying to write this article for about a week now. And to be truly honest... it has been in the back of my mind for about a month. And yet still, I’m sitting here at the computer with absolutely no clue what I’m about to tell you about. What makes this article so difficult to write? Why this one in particular?

Well... a while ago the staff at the LGBT Center realized that for some of us, this would be our last issue of OUTlines as students and staff members. That may not be a big deal to most of you, but to me, well, let’s just say that it (like many things in my life) has a lot of symbolic value. And please let’s not even mention the potential schmaltziness that could ensue when any college senior attempts to say fare-thee-well to the place they have called home for the last four years. I mean, I could easily give you a detailed account of what my life has been like for the past four years (and when I say detailed, I mean detailed... like what color the shirt was when I came out to my mom), but I feel that I would end up subjecting you to a rather lengthy bit of novelistic prose that would truly border on true academic ennui.

The second most likely topic would be what? Oh come on... you know what I’m referring to... that’s right... my future (hmmm...) and my career (does serial unemployment count?). Well, that would be equally boring... not to mention completely about me... not that I’m opposed to talking about me altogether. I am actually the only topic that I feel qualified to discuss at great length. This, however, is no attempt to belittle my ability to discuss most issues and topics with a tone of arrogance that many assume would only be derived from true knowledge. This is not an attempt to demean the massive quantity of random facts and trivial tidbits that have been accumulating in the nether regions of my anamnestic organ. See I can talk about me... but I don’t want to, and frankly, you don’t want to read it.

So... my past is out [insert stupid laugh hear because you all just realized that I made a really bad pun]... and so is my future... and well... basically I’ve decided not to talk about me. That leaves talking about You. Yes, YOU. Now that is truly a topic that I have absolutely no basis from which to talk; therefore, I would naturally gravitate toward writing about You, especially since I’ve already disclosed to you my astounding ability to speak with arrogance about topics of which I have no knowledge. Well... I think talking about You is probably a little too arrogant, even for me. Beside, I think You already know You, so what’s the point of me talking about You. That would be boring to me,too. And we certainly don’t want that.

Where does that leave my article? Well, you are reading aren’t you? I’m writing my article about writing my article. Yes, I know. All of the English majors have been reveling in the fact that I have "gone Meta," all of the psychology majors are prepared to put me in a mental institution, the Wharton students want me to try to make money off of me, but most importantly the chemistry majors stopped reading after the first sentence. They were probably the smartest ones of the bunch. Besides, they are the ones that can mix two common household chemicals and make enough explosives to flatten the city of Philadelphia. But where’s the fun in that. What would I have to complain about?

Oh and before you turn the page and forget what I’ve written completely... the shirt I was wearing when I came out to my mother was the green one.

~Michael Hartwyk grew up in Washington Township, NJ, is senior Sociology Major, and is in search of the meaning of life...so he can complain about it.

OUT & In-Focus: Alexis Lieberman '87

A PENN pioneer, Alexis Lieberman was one of the first two students to graduate from PENN’s College of Arts and Sciences with a Women’s Studies degree. During her years as an undergraduate (1983-87), Lieberman’ primary extracurricular involvement centered upon that bastion of truth and student perspective called The Daily Pennsylvanian. Serving as editor of 34th Street for one year, her journalistic ambitions also led her to serve as editor of Voyage Out, the newsletter of the PENN Women’s Center.

As with many of us, PENN’s environment provided Lieberman an opportunity to explore the sexual identity that had remained hidden during her adolescence. At age nineteen, Lieberman came out to herself and to her parents during her sophomore year. Unfortunately, also like many of us, she endured her fair share of pain and self-loathing. Though she had acknowledged her identity, she could not shake the feeling that she was "abnormal" in some way, and tears marked the start of her journey toward acceptance. Her parents provided little consolation, and only after ten years of adjustment have they become fully receptive to their daughter’s identity.

During the Reagan years in which Lieberman was a student, PENN’s environment toward LGBT issues offered pockets of warmth. "PENN’s so large that it’s a lot like a big city. You couldn’t be at home everywhere. In my Women’s Studies classes, it was great that I was a lesbian." Lieberman also found a receptive home at 34th Street where she met her first girlfriend.

Following graduation, Lieberman pursued her journalistic ambitions by accepting a position in the book division of Rodale Press. However, after a year, her curiosities had changed, so she entered a post-baccalaureate program at Bryn Mawr College to complete medical school prerequisites. In 1989, she was admitted to the Medical College of Pennsylvania (formerly the Women’s Medical College and currently MCP Hahnemann University). Graduating from medical school in 1993, she then entered a pediatric residency program at Albert Einstein Medical Center in Philadelphia. She is currently a pediatric attending physician at Albert Einstein, instructing medical students and residents.

Lieberman’s true passion, though, centers upon her involvement with the Mountain Meadow Summer Camp, which caters to children of LGBT parents. The program was founded by Julie Greenberg in the 1980s, who maintained the camp for seven years. Lieberman became acquainted with Greenberg’s then-lover, Rebecca Subar, through a Jewish Lesbian Reading Group both were attending, and, when Subar reinvigorated the program in 1992, Lieberman also became involved. This summer will mark Lieberman’s ninth year of working with Mountain Meadow. Mountain Meadow is a non-profit organization, and fundraisers are held throughout the year to finance the camp. Tuition is determined on an individual basis and based on need. More information about Mountain Meadow Summer Camp, including staff and sponsoring opportunities, can be found at <www.mountainmeadow.org>.

Lieberman currently lives in the West Mt. Airy section of Philadelphia with her partner of seven years, Ilene Burak. The two actually met when Lieberman was apartment shopping and Ilene happened to be the manager of a complex Lieberman visited. After a brief period of dating, the two separated, and by chance, they met again after four years through a personal ad Ilene had placed in the Philadelphia Gay News. In 1997 on Memorial Day, Lieberman and Ilene held a commitment ceremony at the Sedgewick Theater in West Mt. Airy. The ceremony even included a ketubah, a traditional Jewish wedding document.

~Kent Carter grew up in Liberty, TX, is a junior Psychology major, and is in search of an iron bikini so that HE can be Jabba's slave girl.

Farewell and Welcome

The LGBT Center and PennGALA (PENN’s official LGBT alumni organization) will be celebrating in mid-May -- in several festive ways.

On Alumni Day -- May 19, 2001 -- PennGALA is sponsoring four events between 4pm and 10pm. A tour of the Carriage House, the Center’s new home, will kick-off the day’s events. Demolition of the old interior of the Carriage House has been completed and construction of the new offices, meeting rooms, and public spaces will begin in early June. What visitors will see on Alumni Day is the remarkable shell of the original 1876 structure.

A panel discussion entitled "Our Families" will begin at 5pm in the ARCH at 36th and Locust Walk. Featured presenters are Fernando Chang-Muy, PENN Law School adjunct faculty member; Vincent Griski, Penn alum and one of the lead donor to the Carriage House project; Sue Levi Elwell, a rabbi recently appointed regional director of the Union of American Hebrew Congregations; and Gail Shister, TV columnist for The Philadelphia Inquirer. All of the panelists are also parents. The panel will be moderated by Robert Shepard, a San Francisco-based literary agent and PennGALA Co-Chair.

Following a 6:30-7:30pm cocktail party, dinner will be served in Memorial Hall on the second floor of The ARCH. Continuing the theme of families, the evening’s keynote speaker will be Paulette Goodman, founder of P-FLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Students graduating in 2001 from any program at PENN are invited to the dinner as guests of PennGALA. Graduating students are encouraged to bring their families and friends to the dinner (though PennGALA cannot offer to pay for graduating students’ guests). PennGALA is also seeking student volunteers to work at these events in a variety of capacities. Volunteers will be offered complimentary dinner. For more information about attending or volunteering for the any or all of day’s activities, contact Bob Schoenberg at <bobs@pobox.upenn.edu> or 215-898-5044.

Students graduating in 2001 are invited to become members of PennGALA. There is currently no charge for PennGALA membership. If you are interested in joining, send US Mail and e-mail addresses that can be used following graduation to the LGBT Center or visit the Center’s web site where you will find a registration form <http://www.vpul.upenn.edu/lgbtc/penngala/list.html>.

Once again this year, the LGBT Center is offering complimentary rainbow tassels to graduating PENN students willing to wear them in the Commencement procession on May 21, 2001. Please contact the LGBT Center no later than May 4, 2001 if you want to reserve a tassel. They will be available to be picked up at the LGBT Center the week of May 14, 2001.

To those who are graduating in 2001, congratulations, best wishes for success in future endeavors, and welcome to your new status as PENN alumni!

~Bob Schoenberg is the LGBT Center Director and is in search of a life that is happy, fulfilling, and organized through a minimum amount of effort and with no stress.

And Then You Kissed Me...

Remember the beginning? Remember how perfect it was? Remember that night? I was so nervous. Coming back from the game that night when you rested you head in my lap and I asked you if you could read my mind as I played with your long Indian kempt hair, stroking the soft baby curls at the nape of your neck. My heart was knockin’ mad hard against my chest. I still didn’t know. When I asked for your scrunchie to tie up your hair you wouldn’t acquiesce, you just held it teasingly like you held my heart.

When I reached to grab it you pulled away -- we wrestled for your scrunchie and I grabbed your hand. I was so scared. I figured that you had to know if not before then, then right at that moment. At that moment when I held ya hand long after your initial touch and long after any "friend" would hang on. I kept holding on waiting timidly, for either a look of disgust and a quick jerk out of my grasp or... .an eased hand allowing mine to caress it and a look from you to signal that you knew. I asked again if you could read my mind. You asked if I could read yours. I thought I could... but I wasn’t sure.

I couldn’t tell you all the thoughts that sped through my mind when we got to my house. I knew that once we were in my room I had to find a way to hold your hand again cause that seemed to make headway. I needed more. I was already feigning... for you... to be with me. I needed it.

We lay on my bed side by side with the TV off as you drifted in and out of your "parallel side." I poked you with my finger in seductively inconspicuous places to bring you back to my side. I need you to be here right now. We just need a little push. Some intervention from the Divine. So let it be said, so let it be done. The message was clear when my father suggested that you spend the night since it was so late. Too late for what? Didn’t he know about the stories you told me about coming home 4 in the morning if you came home at all? Didn’t he know it was never too late for you?

I brushed my teeth hoping that fresh breath would come in handy -- just in case we go that close/ closer that night. I don’t remember who got into bed first. I think you did. I don’t know how much time passed before you asked me what I was thinking. You couldn’t read my mind? You owned my thoughts consumed them like you consume my consciousness. Now you were just torturing me. My thoughts were on my lips and we were close enough to kiss. You answered me with a soft sigh as my awaiting silence lulled you to sleep and away from me. I wanted to poke you, get close to you to make sure that you wouldn’t drift away from me. Not now. Not when our faces were so close that I could feel your breath on my lips.

Sweat gathered at my fingertips because you wanted me to touch you. The possibility of us being closer that night depended on the choice that I would make. Which place would your friend pick? Cause that’s the place I didn’t want. I choose your neck because it was the closest to your lips. I reached out to touch them to see how far apart we were and then asked what they were as if I didn’t know. I could see them even in the dark. Your cotton candy sweet mouth had been emblazoned in my mind. I needed to feel them again. If not with my own lips then with my fingers. So I waited.

I didn’t have to wait for long. You responded silently, lightly running your fingers on my lips sending this electric shock through my body stimulating parts that I thought couldn’t have been. You slid them along my lips and I closed my eyes. It was too much. My heart was hurting from being overworked and I thought my mind was going to split with the overwhelming thoughts of you that was filling it. I don’t know if I moved or you did or if we both just melted into one another from the heat of the moment but I heard your tongue touch your lips as we gently moved to a kiss...

The rest is Herstory...

~Ninah Harris grew up in Hempstead, NY, is a senior Sociology major, and is in search of summer sandals that will not show her toes.

Russell Wong Fantasies

Now that I've met more gay men this year than I've ever met in my entire life, and most of them have been Caucasian gay men, I have to wonder sometimes, what are they thinking about me? When I'm in a group of gay men, and I'm the only Asian American present, and everyone else is Caucasian, I cannot help but think about how they are viewing me.

And yes, that includes how they are (or aren't) viewing me romantically. Because the fact remains that Asian American males are generally not considered viable romantic partners in American society. While our Asian American sisters are eroticized as mysterious, exotic sex kittens-which is a problem also, of course-Asian American males are seen more as asexual sidekicks.

Such stereotypes are reflected in the pervasive desexualization of the Asian American male in the media. There aren't really any Asian American male celebrities who are considered "sex symbols." I've never heard a non-Asian American talk about how hot Russell Wong is. We Asian American males may be admired for our excellent math skills, our success in the world of corporate finance, our quiet and undemanding natures, and the quality of our martial arts movies, but one thing we are not known for is being physically attractive.

In light of this, I am left to ponder, will my relationships with all these Caucasian gay men be merely platonic? Would any of them ever see beyond my Asianness to feel romantic affection for me simply for who I am? In Ang Lee's film, The Wedding Banquet, the main character, an Asian male, is romantically involved with a Caucasian male. Is that perhaps the most unrealistic part of the film?

~Vampire Boy is currently a PENN student.