I often find quotes to be a wonderful means of expression. I feel I should not have to go to great lengths to convey an idea when someone has already provided me with the words to do so. A friend highlighted the above passage to me, and it wasn’t until trying to find something to write for OUTlines that I was really able to understand what it meant. Thank you, Mike!

So, I find myself looking back at my college years. Four years ago, I stood in my dining room, excitedly tearing open the large white envelope from the University of Pennsylvania containing my acceptance letter. I was a cocky little high school senior afraid to show the great fears contained within me. I was a different person then. Four years of friendships and foes, feats and fears, and I am a different person. Four years have taught me strength, courage, self-assurance, and that there remains a battle that we must continue to fight. Four years have turned a nervous, insecure, closeted young man into the budding activist whose words you are now reading. Perhaps Lewis Carroll did not consider the gay rights movement as he penned his tales of Alice, but I have never heard such a perfect representation of what coming out has meant to me. My personal transformation has been key in my own identity. I wish to share just a small part of that transition with you.

I’ll never forget going to my first gay event at PENN. I walked past the door nine or ten times before finally entering. The event was entitled “You Are Not the Only One,” but I still felt like I was the only one. I didn’t know whether I could trust the people in the room to hold my secret, but I entered anyway. So began the first few weeks of nervous attendance at a random sampling of gay events. Each time I attended, though, it became easier. I was able to relax and enjoy my newly found freedom. Through the encouragement of people like Andy, Alex (yeah, Staten Island!), and Mike, I finally came out to my roommates and my secret was no longer. The next few months were incredible. I went to Woody’s, my first gay club. I attended my first gay pride event. I explored all that the gayborhood had to offer. I proudly displayed a pride pin on my bag. I was coming out left and right – in classes, to friends, to family, and in a variety of languages. For the first time in my life I was able to walk around and not worry about who was going to discover my true identity. Comfort was my goal and visibility was the key.

Fast-forward a bit to the summer before senior year when I served as a Field Associate for the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network (GLSEN). Quite a long cry from my days of closeted anxiety. I spent twelve weeks as an intern with the largest national organization fighting to end homophobia in K-12 schools. My time with GLSEN made me realize something very important. In all my years of pursuing a career in social service work, I had never considered the one group that truly hit closest to home, the gay community. The past two years had been full of gay pride events and LGBA organizing, but I was severely missing the point. There was a whole lot more out there than socials and panel discussions. There was a need for dedicated individuals willing to fight for justice, and I am just such a person.

I share my story because perhaps it is yours as well. Perhaps these words will remind you of a time when you could not be quite so comfortable, and your closet made you a different person. Perhaps my words will serve as a reminder that you cannot yet be comfortable and you are waiting for the day when your closet is no more. Maybe you will realize that there are still battles to be fought and that each of us must find a way to join that fight. Give a donation, intern with a gay rights group, vote, or simply thank someone for fighting the battles that your closet will not let you. No matter what means of expression you choose, take a stand. For as long as there are people who pass nervously by gay meeting spaces, there will be a reason to fight.

~Nick Setteducato is a senior Folklore major from Staten Island, NY.

OUT & In-Focus: Susan Miller '83

Before she graduated from PENN in 1983 with a bachelor’s degree in psychology and a masters in secondary education, Susan Miller was the first and only work-study student to work in the Program for Lesbian and Gay Concerns, the predecessor to today’s Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Center. The LGBT Center now has a staff of four work-study students, two interns, and two full-time staff members. Needless to say, many things have changed institutionally and informally on PENN’s campus.

As chair of what was then Lesbians and Gays at PENN (LGAP), Miller was extremely out at a time when the social and political atmospheres on campus were not welcoming ones. It was a time when someone would not have seen a rainbow flag flying above Locust Walk and when many PENN students assaulted Miller verbally by yelling “Dyke!” at her from the building rooftops as she walked to class. Fortunately, Miller was not the victim of any physical attacks. Miller attributes her ability to survive through her undergraduate years at PENN to an informal group of female faculty members who acted as both queer and academic mentors for women on campus that were dealing with issues relating to their sexuality.

The aforementioned women who supported Miller were some of the first non-media images of the queer women’s lives she had seen. They provided the students with guidance as they came out and explored their sexuality while helping them to keep their eyes focused on their academic careers.

When Miller was a child growing up in a small town in Central Pennsylvania, she used to hear her mother and her mother’s best friend of over twenty years discussing their lives until the very early hours of the morning. Miller had always dreamed of someday having the opportunity to attain that type of relationship with someone. Because of the time she spent at PENN and the atmosphere fostered by the aforementioned faculty members, Miller feels she was able to achieve that goal. The friends she made at PENN and during her college years have become the people she consistently turns to for advice and support.

Since first leaving PENN, Miller has accomplished many varied and important things that ultimately have led her back to PENN. She is currently a Ph.D. candidate in the History and Sociology of Science and an academic advisor in the College Office. She received her second masters degree in Women’s Studies at the University of York in England and then taught high school aged children from varying backgrounds.

In teaching such different students, Miller has learned many things about herself and the ways that people perceive her. When Miller taught a group of students at an urban public high school, her appearance was compared to that of Billie Jean King. In response, Miller stated that she may look like King, but she “doesn’t have her backhand.” The students then informed Miller that she did not want to look like King because of King’s lesbianism.

When Miller held a similar position at a Quaker school, discussion about her sexuality came up because she mentioned that she was considering having a child. The students were excited for her, since they felt, she would make a good mother. One of the students spoke up and said “[b]ut I thought that Ms. Miller was…” to which the another student replied “[w]ell there are other ways to have baby!” In another position where she worked with teenaged students who were dismissed from the public school system, Miller’s lesbianism was a non-issue in that she felt her sexuality was well-known. In fact, none of the students commented on it.

Miller now resides in the Philadelphia lesbian mecca of Mount Airy with her partner, a cat, and a dog. Her life there has been relatively uneventful, but it is her future with her partner that Miller now considers her main concern. Since her partner is not a United States citizen and since currently the only nation that allows same-sex partners of natural born citizens to attain citizenship is the Netherlands, Miller and her lover must make a difficult choice. They must now decide if they will spend their lives separated, or if they will travel to a more welcoming nation. Miller mentioned this particular aspect of her life, because she feels that few members of the queer community recognize that this issue effects people that they may know.

A few politicians are working to alter this immigration policy, in particular Congressman Jerrold Nadler who introduced the Permanent Partners Immigration Act of 2000 (H.R. 3650). To obtain more information about the bill and other measures to ensure the rights of immigrant same-sex couples please visit the Lesbian and Gay Immigration Rights Task Force web-site .

Susan Miller was a leader for the queer community when she was an undergraduate at the University, but the effects of her actions are with us today. She was open about her sexuality at a time when Ronald Reagan was the U.S. President and the social atmosphere on campus was less than inviting for LGBT people. Certainly, it is because of former students like Miller that PENN’s administration realized the need for a student center dedicated to protecting the lives and rights of LGBT students at the University.

~Michael Hartwyk is a junior Sociology major from New Jersey. Salutations!

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PennGALA Parties

As it approaches the first anniversary of its recognition as an official component of UPAS, the University of Pennsylvania Alumni Society, PennGALA, the LGBT alumni organization is sponsoring several exciting events. These parties follow a Valentine’s event in New York and hosting a delicious dessert reception following Urvashi Vaid’s B-GLAD keynote address on March 30.

On April 29, alumnus Bruce Frishman and David Swanson will host an afternoon party (4-7pm) at their home in Washington, DC. This event occurs on the day preceding the Millennium March so that PENN grads coming to the nation’s capital for the march can socialize with local and visiting PENN students and alumni. If you are interested in attending, please contact the LGBT Center for additional information and to RSVP.

PENN alumna Lisa Pols is one of the organizers of an all-Ivy women’s event in New York City. The “Sapphic Soiree” will take place Friday, May 5 from 6-8pm at the PENN Club [30 West 44th St between 5th and 6th Aves]. The $32 charge (including tax and gratuity) will get you wine, beer, soda, and hors d’oeuvres, with a cash bar for cocktails. Questions should be directed to Lisa at: lisa_pols@timeinc.com. Reservations can be made by contacting the New York Penn Club: sgamper@pennclubny.org.

PennGALA will be holding its first-ever Alumni Weekend dinner on May 20. From 5-6:30pm, there will be a panel discussion entitled, “Changing Lives, Changing PENN: The Role of Lesbian and Bisexual Women at the University.” Moderated by Pat Rose, an alumna and Director of PENN Career Services, the panel will also include Ann Matter, Professor of Religious Studies; Lynda Hart, Professor of English, Theatre, and Women’s Studies; Susan Miller, alumna, Ph.D. candidate, and College advisor; and a not-yet-designated current student. The panel will occur in Logan Hall Room 17. Following a cocktail hour in the Fox Art Gallery, dinner will be served in the Terrace Room. Tina Podlodowski, community activist and former Seattle City Councilwoman will be the keynote speaker. There is a $35 charge for the dinner. LGBT students graduating from a PENN program in May are invited to attend the dinner as guests of PennGALA. Contact the LGBT Center for more information.

On June 24, the day before the annual Gay Pride celebration and parade in New York City, PennGALA and YaleGALA will be co-hosting an afternoon party at the home on Monty Freeman who is an alumnus of both schools. Details about this event will be provided closer to the actual date.

~Bob Schoenberg is the Director of the LGBT Center. Can I talk to you for a minute?

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Hey Macarena!

People say you can never go home again. These people are quite wrong. All I have to do is take a flight back to San Antonio, hop in a taxi, wait fifteen minutes and boom! There I am, at home.

I think that whoever came up with that phrase meant to say that things are always changing. If this is the case, they simply should have said so, because the fact that things are always changing is true. That is, after all, what makes it a fact. But enough with wordplay, I am not in an English class. What I am here to talk about is the Macarena.

I was dancing the Macarena WAY before you were. I grew up in San Antonio, TX, which is at least five hours closer to Mexico than it is to any other state in the union. Although I spent my teenage years in a prison, um, I mean school populated mostly by rich, conservative Sons and Daughters of the Republic of Texas, there were more than enough fellow Chicanos who frequented Planeta Mexico, the hot Latin club, to bring the Macarena onto our campus. It was lots of fun to go out onto the floor and do a dance so simple that it made the Electric Slide look like the Bolshoi Ballet. No dance was complete without it.

The Macarena King, Dr. Evil, says: "I'm with it. I'm hip."

As we moved our colitas to the beat, the song made its way to Europe, then to New York City (which we knew as the place where bad salsa comes from) where it became a club sensation. At first, we were happy to have become trendsetters overnight. Then came the day that Regis and Kathie Lee told their audience that they would be teaching them the Macarena, the “hot new dance craze sweeping the nation.” With those words, we knew our moment was over. Every time the song came on at a dance, no one but the nerdiest of the nerdy would dare to take the floor. It had been taken away from us; what was once special and our own became public, and eventually passé.

Now I know that you are wondering why in the name of God, that Big Black Lesbian in the sky, is Rudy talking about an unfortunate dance movement. Well, as it turns out, the Macarena is a lot like being queer. Not the hand gestures and moving your colita part, but the part where time has an influence on how it is perceived. You see, I went back to high school this past Christmas break, where I met John and Ken (names changed to protect the guilty), two boys who gave me a mental knock I won’t soon forget.

Almost everyone knows my coming out story. For those who don’t, the short short version: I was outed senior year but it turned out to be a good thing. I lost no friends and even gained some new ones, and I helped raise a bit of awareness. However, I assumed that I got away with being gay because I was a senior, too old to be taunted. Yet here were John and Ken, a sophomore and a freshman respectively, who were out in the open bisexuals. They had not been taunted or abused, and they both seemed completely comfortable with themselves and their place at school.

Like a good, progressive queer, I was tremednously supportive of them and thankful that they were so confident in themselves and that they were still loved and respected by their peers. Only not. Actually, I found myself with a slightly resentful taste in my mouth. My best friend, a very pansexual woman a year younger than me, chastised me for wrinkling my nose at the sign of progress. I tried to explain.

You know how parents always talk about how hard life was for them? Well, I think I understood how they felt in that moment. For me, coming out was a process that took more than three years. At fourteen, I began having sexual fantasies where men were the featured players. Despite this rather obvious evidence to the contrary, it did not occur to me that I was gay. When I was sixteen, I met a fellow queer boy my own age, and the instant chemistry finally convinced me that I had been barking up the wrong tree, sexually speaking. I began coming out to my friends and family, and by the beginning of senior year was brought out of the closet and into the spotlight. Yet here were these two boys, out and proud at an age when I still wasn’t questioning myself. The thought that popped into my head was, “In my day, we had to walk ten miles barefoot in the snow just to think about kissing another boy!”

I suppose it all boils down to envy. I envy John and Ken for their early start on living life to the fullest. It wasn’t until I was out in the open that I felt truly myself. I don’t begrudge them their freedom, and when I began to think about it, I realized that some of their freedom was due to me. After all, John was there, albeit in eighth grade, when I became “The Gay One” at Saint Mary’s Hall. Everyone knew who and what I was, and everyone could see that I strode down the halls unafraid. John, upon entering high school, became friends with my friends, and knowing that I could be out gave him confidence in turn. In the end, I was able to forget my envy, although I said, “You owe me.”

So what’s the point of all this. Well, I want to say to every older queer person out there that they have my gratitude and esteem for even the tiniest contributions they made. I want every peer of mine here at PENN to know that just by being who they are, they help in a thousand little ways. Finally, I want everyone to know that being queer means something new every day. Being young and queer means being able to explore the myriad sexual and romantic possiblities open to me, not to mention the chance to learn a lot of new dance steps (like waltzing, which I am learning now). And if I say “I was here first!’ Don’t mind me. I just need to get the snow out of my toes.

~Rudy Ramirez is a sophomore English major. He will be indulging in heterosexuality as Frid the Butler in the Quadramics production of A Little Night Music during Spring Fling.

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A Challenge to Everyone

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a text version of a speech given at the B-GLAD 2000 rally.

Good afternoon. It is a pleasure to come here to celebrate our commonalties and our differences today. It is by our work and our presence that others find the strength and support to come to terms with and celebrate their own orientation, uniqueness and gifts to society and the world. I congratulate all of the outstanding work done by Bob Schoenberg, Erin Cross, members of the LGBT Center staff, and officers of the many LGBT student groups on PENN’s campus and the Philadelphia community.

I come to you today also to challenge them and all of us. The upcoming Millennium March is supposedly based on inclusiveness. Yet, until the issue has been recently pushed, various subcommunities of the LGBT culture were not being included, or were being pushed to the back of the “bus,” so to speak. The leather, drag, and fetish communities were not being included and had to elbow their way into the “inclusiveness” of this march.

Our rainbow pride flag was adopted because it is symbolic of the amazing diversity that our queer community has - that diversity is our strength. In our activism, we can NOT allow others to divide us, or for us to divide ourselves, for it is only when we unite, supporting each other, and working as a team that we can make progress in overcoming the oppression and prejudice to which we are subjected. In our community at Penn, if we do not know or understand another part of our queer community, then we must ask, share, talk, and grow. We must use that conversation to build the bond between us as a queer community. If you don’t know a leatherperson, or a drag illusionist, or an activist, then let’s take the opportunity to talk, get to know each other, and work as a team. Let’s set the example for the greater community. Let’s not exclude any part of queer culture just because we disagree or don’t understand their point of view. Being out, we are representative of our entire community, in or out. It has always been my opinion that representation requires a commitment to be involved with the whole community and not just with the other representative or a selected sub-group.

It is time to truly celebrate our diversity throughout our community, our inalienable right to love and express as we see fit, and to educate the greater world in which we live. It is only then that we can effectively snuff out the hatred that leads to merciless deaths, unjust legislation and intolerance, and unfounded fear and judgement.

I am proud to be a part of this PENN community, proud to be a gay man, and proud to hold the national title of American Leatherman 1999. I challenge everyone within earshot to get to know each and every individual BEFORE you make any judgements as to their character or worth. Thank you for your time and have a wonderful B-GLAD celebration.

~Scott Reikofski is the Director of PENN’s Office of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs. Love that leather!

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Better, Greater, Louder, and Done!

We didn’t let the hate email to the QSA listserv get us down. In fact, we channeled the energy it created in a productive way that made this year’s B-GLAD one for the history books.

It started off Friday, March 24, with the “Get Down and B-GLAD Dance” at the Veranda, which included the best music at a Penn dance in recent years. Despite some last-minute complications, the second annual B-GLAD Qabaret was still a lot of fun, both for the participants as well as the audience. Mohan Sikka’s performance on Sunday drew an impressive and interested crowd. Special thanks to Sangam for coordinating such a successful and enjoyable event. Later that day, St. Mary’s Church in Hamilton Village hosted the second B-GLAD Interfaith Celebration. This service in the Jewish and Christian traditions featured Father James Littrell, Rev. William Gipson, Rev. Kaaren Nesmith, and Rabbi Linda Holtzman. Tuesday evening, Penn’s Eagerly Awaited Radical Ladies (PEARL) hosted its annual dinner featuring Philadelphia area performance artist Martha McDonald. McDonald’s piece was an introspective on her life through the lives of famous divas of opera.

As usual, the weather was perfect for the annual rally on Wednesday. The free screening of Boys Don’t Cry that evening will go down in history as the biggest B-GLAD event ever. The theater of International House, which seats approximately 430 people, was packed! People were even turned away. Special thanks to SPEC and Take Back the Night for cosponsoring such an incredibly successful event.

Dr. Rodin, the University’s president, joined members of Penn’s queer and allied community for a special lunch at the LGBT Center on Thursday. Undergraduate and graduate students alike spoke with Dr. Rodin about B-GLAD, the recent hate email, the climate on campus, and the change of name from LGBA to QSA, among other topics. Thursday evening featured Urvashi Vaid, director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute. The self-proclaimed data queen spoke on queer rights past, present, and future, and encouraged audience members to get involved in any way they could. PennGALA (Gay and Lesbian Alumni) hosted an impressive reception in the LGBT Center following Vaid’s speech. Friday, March 31, marked the return of Jeans Day to B-GLAD. Members of the PENN community were asked to don denim to show their support for the queer community. Flyers explaining the day were given out on the walk to anyone wearing jeans. Some people announced that they were jeans on purpose, while others were surprised and even made uncomfortable once they were made aware of the day.

The B-GLAD Planning Committee did an outstanding job with this year’s celebration. PENN’s queer community should be proud to have such energetic and committed members hard at work on events like B-GLAD.

~Kurt Klinger

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the rainbow is never enuf

she dedicated this one to colored girls who considered suicide/ but my consideration was more than contemplation/ it was the actual placing of the blade against my wrist, parallel to my veins/ cause so many times i’ve let people cut into me the wrong way and produce adverse reactions/ but to my satisfaction my blood ran black and i knew then, again, i was alive/ and would live long enough for that intense gratification to subside/ and watch a rainbow of colors flow from inside out/ so i could once again contemplate my state of being/ orgasming upon the understanding of the adjective colored/ when all i can see is black and black and shades of brown that blend into intensified rays of white that drown out my rainbow.

my consideration was less like contemplation/ it was the afterthought to my forethought on my present state of being w/o color...w/o you.

~Ninah Harris

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On My Way Out

The LGBT Center is considered by so many to be a place for the “queers”. It is seen by many as a safe haven for those who are not heterosexual. However, to me, the Center is a place that gives people the opportunity to learn, grow and feel empowered. These are the primary reasons why I chose the LGBT Center as my field placement to complete my Social Work Practicum requirement.

"...for me to live a fruitful and healthy life, I must fight for justice for all."

The opportunity to work at the LGBT Center has taught me some new things and re-enforced some old ideas. I learned that there are wonderful people working to improve the quality of life for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community members. I learned that the Center believes there is a role for heterosexuals to play in curbing bigotry and homophobia. I learned more about the issues that contribute to feelings of despair. I learned more about the joys and pains of the coming out process of those who were willing to share. And I learned more about the continued struggle of many in this community to create an identity for him/herself, defying the confinement of being placed in a box.

From my experience, I have also learned more about self-hatred as people struggle to accept who they are. I learned more about racism in the queer community. I learned that there are some people who think because they have been oppressed and discriminated against because they are queer that they cannot possibly be bigoted themselves. I learned that struggles are sometimes different, and are sometimes the same. I have been reminded that oppression and bigotry, no matter the circumstance, is painful. I have been reminded that comparing oppression is insignificant and that it is my duty to continue to learn and to challenge. I have been reminded that people should be given the right to live their lives without condemnation. I have been reminded that for me to live a fruitful and healthy life, I must fight for justice for all.

I have been reminded of all these things while interning at the LGBT Center for the past nine months. I would like to thank all of the staff members for teaching me, encouraging me, conversing with me and most importantly, for sharing with me the necessity of keeping an open mind. I thank you for these gifts, as they will only enhance who I am and encourage me to continue towards a future that we can all be proud.

~Karlene Burrell-McRae is the Social Work Intern at the LGBT Center and the Assoc. Dir. at the Greenfield Intercultural Center. She is an honorary queer.

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The editorial staff of OUTlines seeks submissions from members of the Penn community. Poetry, stories, essays, and articles are all welcome. Inquiries and submissions should be sent to:

OUTlines c/o LGBT Center
3907 Spruce Street
Philadelphia, PA 19104-6031
(215) 898-5044
center@dolphin.upenn.edu
http://www.vpul.upenn.edu/lgbtc

OUTlines is published by the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Center at the University of Pennsylvania. OUTlines is a forum for reporting news and expressing thoughts of interest to the lesbian, gay, transgender, and bisexual community as well as the general community at Penn.